Thursday, July 31, 2008

James Bond type movies and their cliches


1. The Plot will always begin in a remote part of the world.

2. Things are never as they seem. An evil mastermind is always behind something that looks like a small time operation.

3. The Evil Mastermind has a private army in another remote part of the world. His/her operation's are either underwater, underground or in space. No attempt will ever be made to find out how this army was recruited. Was there an advert somewhere in a magazine such as Soldier of Fortune?

4. The Evil Mastermind will send some goons to kill the hero at the beginning of the movie. The hero will of course kill all of these goons.

5. A pretty woman will appear who is associated with the Mastermind. She will turn against the Mastermind toward the end of the movie after hearing the true details of the evil plans as revealed to her by the Mastermind or the hero.

6. The Mastermind will always be a person of culture enjoying and appreciating the finest foods, art, music and literature.

7. The Evil Mastermind will capture the hero, set him up in a diabolical death trap which the hero will escape from to destroy the Mastermind's plans.

8. All bombs will be defused with one second remaining on the timer.

9. The hero will succeed in reducing to rubble the Mastermind's hidden complex. The complex will either self obliterate (a popular design mechanism) or be destroyed during the course of the chaos created by the hero.

10. The hero will infiltrate the Mastermind's headquarters by knocking out one of the latter's troops and dressing up in the soldier's uniform that will of course fit perfectly.

11. Special forces or government troops will arrive at the end of the movie (from nowhere) to mop up the operations.

12. When diffusing a bomb all 50/50 guesses will prove correct.

13. The hero will be familiar with all types of machinery/equipment at the Mastermind's headquarters. No learning curve will be needed to master any machinery.

14. During the chase which can take place on either land, sea or air (and which occurs in the middle of the movie) all the Mastermind's pursuer vehicles will be destroyed. Several drivers will die of which at least one will meet their fate in an extremely grizzly death.

15. The hero will always have time for wisecracks no matter how precarious the situation.

16. The previous agent given the assignment before the hero will always be killed. Although he/she will supply enough information to make the hero's work significantly confusing.

17. The Evil Mastermind's motives are one of three types a) to destroy the world and start a new with the Mastermind's 'utopic' plans ruling supreme; b) to extract a large sum of money from the world powers; or c) to exact revenge on some country for an injustice suffered in the past.

18. Specialized weapons given to the hero will always prove useful. Most often in unexpected circumstances.

19. The hero will annoy their boss and will have a problem with discipline. Heroes will be completely fearless, adapt at any sport or art form, understand all automation, speak several languages and be somewhat of a know-it-all. The hero will be tolerated by their boss as they have of course saved the world on several occasions (put that on your resume).

20. When playing cards the hero will always be dealt the best hand and if not will succeed in bluffing towards a win.

21. Any supplemental agents bought along to assist the hero will either be captured or killed.

22. The Mastermind will often attempt an escape, after their plans have gone awry, by holding the hero's lover hostage.

23. If the Mastermind does escape. One can with full certainty expect that he/she will reappear in a sequel with even more of a diabolical plot.

24. The Mastermind often makes use of an escape pod that will be activated before the complex self obliterates.

25. The Mastermind will have a strong but psychopathic henchman who will battle the hero in a fisticuff. If the fisticuff appears at the beginning of the movie then expect a second fight between the two near the movie's end. In the second fight the henchman will die a savage death.
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