Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Democrat Party Convention

Democratic National Convention Order of Speakers

5:00-6:00 pm – Jimmy Carter
Topic: Lets give Appeasement a Chance (sung to John Lennon tract)
6:00pm-7:00pm – John Edwards
Topic: Standing erect behind my principles
7:00pm -8:00pm – Jesse Jackson
Topic: I am not bitter and if you don’t believe me
I will cut your nut off. (In place of Al Sharpton’s speech
"Do you smell that? It's a race riot, son. Nothing else on the world smells like that. I love the smell of a race riot in the morning. Actually I love the smell of a race riot in the afternoon too.Come to think of it…….)

8:00pm 9:00pm – Arrival of Al Gore’s personal jet followed by speech
Topic: Do as I say not as I do.
(Snacks to Follow)
(Drinks sponsored by the Kennedys)

Concurrent workshops (8:00-9:00pm)

Workshop A: 150 ways of using the word ‘change’ by the Obama Speech writers collective (Thesaurus not required).

Workshop B: Milking the ‘Blame-it-on-Bush-Line’. Can we get another four years out of this? Harry Reid/Nancy Pelosi

Workshop C: Why I plan to go to Cuba for my brain surgery? By Michael Moore

Workshop D: George Soros plays tribute to Obama - background song ‘Puppet on a String’ Sandie Shaw

Workshop E: Some deep thoughts on global politics by Maggie Gyllenhaal/Sean Penn and Scarlet Johansson
(10 minutes only)

9:00 pm -10:00pm – Hilary Clinton: Reciting I could have been a contender from On the Waterfront.

10:00pm – Barack Obama arrives in a chariot to the lyrics of Jesus Christ Superstar
10:00-11:00pm – Barack Obama’s speech.
Special Lottery: Guess the number of references to JFK?
11:00 pm - 'God', one of the few outstanding celebrities, officially endorses Obama (pending ACLU objection). Apparently it was Oprah who swung him over.

Conference Ends. Exit Strategies initialized (except for Hilary who doesn't have one).
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