Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Sixteen Laws of Business

1st Law: The size of the department budget surplus is directly proportional to the cost of the end of year party.

2nd Law: The Revenue and Cost sides of a business are mutually exclusive.

3rd Law: Bad decisions multiply quicker than good decisions.

4th Law: Only when the revenue side has bankrupted the company by selling at below cost will it be discovered that they can do something wrong.

5th Law: There are more people at their level of incompetence in a company than anything else.

6th Law: Profits arise only out of a mistake in the billing system.

7th Law: One does not enter business to make a profit but to create the illusion of a future profit.

8th Law: The buck is always passed. In 2788 it will eventually be paid for by some sucker.

9th Law: Nobody is cool until they have gone through Chapter 11 at least once.

10th Law: Several failed ventures add up to a great credit rating.

11th Law: Its all over when accounting moves in.

12th Law: Every product is doomed to market failure. The key to great business is to prolong the time until failure as long as possible.

13th Law: Palm reading is more accurate than marketing. Marketing is more accurate than economics.

14th Law: Beware of somebody who calls themselves an investment expert they are either stupid or crooked. There is no such thing.

15th Law: Every analyst is a genius after the fact.

16th Law: Interest rates defy all laws of logic.
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