I came up with these definitions some time ago (in the spirit of Ambrose Bierce).
Career politician - an individual who has a lifetime to discover several levels of incompetence.
Defense Attorney - Someone who believes that crime is of the essence.
Erection - The pride before the fall.
Free Trade - Lenin said that the capitalist buys the rope to hang himself with. With free trade the rope is imported from Mexico.
General Practioner - The Traffic re-director of the medical profession.
Human knowledge - The sum of all our mistakes.
Insurance - a form of betting in which one backs the longest shot in the race while hoping that it does not win.
Marketing Group - A mental asylum minus the organization.
Relativist - Somebody who has not found their absolute yet.
Survival of the Fittest - A theory that remains unsubstantiated in the workplace.
Viruses - Crafty organisms whose function is to cause misdiagnosis.